R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Working in the customer service industry, you are expected to show a certain amount of respect.  If you are intolerant of others, perhaps you should pursue another field of work.  Your customers don't deserve disrespect and disdain.  They are paying your salary.  You are there to provide a service. If eldery people annoy you, don't work in a retirement home.  If you hate children, don't get a job at a toy store.  If you think movies are a colossal waste of time, targeted to fat idiots who like candy and butter laden popcorn- DON'T WORK AT A THEATER.  Seriously, there are other options.  But treating the people that you deal with in a rude manner because you hate the joke that is your life, doesn't make anything better.  It just makes you an asshole.

Listing...

Things I hate:
1. Moths, birds, flies... aw hell, anything with wings or feathers.
2. The sound of a clock ticking... I feel like its the sound of my life s l o w l y draining away.
3. People who constantly talk about things which they need not be speaking of.  For instance- my life. Cuz its mine. And not yours. Sooo, yeah.
4. Dentists. Fuck those guys.
5. The font that I am currently typing with (in?). Whatevs. It sucks and I hate it.

Your first platitude...

Time heals all wounds.

Yes, time heals all wounds they say... and I have to admit "they" may be right.  In the heat of the moment, the midst of the devastation- it very well feels like the pain will never go away, never heal.  You feel as though you will never be who you were before because the pain has changed you.  And the simple, stark truth of the matter is that it HAS actually changed you and you WON'T ever be the same.  You will, however, heal.  It may take months or it may take years. You never know.  But one day, you will think of Grandpa Joe with a smile instead of tears.  One day, you'll be listening to the radio and that song will just be... a song. 

You may always miss the you that you were before... but you will adapt, like one adapts to the presence of a scar.



This one is for you, Brett.  I will always love you- my muse, my friend, my heart... 7/17/10

Migraines: The Silent Thief

If you've never suffered from a migraine, you may not know how devastating they can be. Maybe you think its just a headache... but you're wrong.  Migraines have slowly stolen my life from me and I'm no closer to managing the pain than I was when they started almost 3 years ago.

I've tried so many things to get rid of this pain.  I no longer eat ice cream or put ice in my drinks because anything too cold can trigger a migraine. I can't wear hats, headbands, or clips in my hair because the pressure is often a trigger.  No artificial sweeteners, no long hair, no running.  Migraines have stolen my social life because bright lights, loud noises, and smoky atmospheres cause me pain.  I've lost friends and lovers because they didn't understand why I had to cancel on them, that this isn't just a headache...  I've had to adjust my diet and my workouts so as not to cause a migraine. I can't watch 3d movies. I can't wear my contacts for more than 6 hours. I can't spend too much time in the sun.

I'm constantly taking pills, jotting in my migraine journal, shading my eyes from the sun, and always drinking water. I have doctor appointments and chiro appointments, referrals and tests. I worry that its a tumor, I worry that I'll have to deal with this for the rest of my life... Every day when I fall asleep, I hope tomorrow wil be pain free.

I enjoy giving strangers really ridiculous nicknames. Things like Big Nose McHugeLips or Mean Eyes O'Malley. Lame and weird but it amuses me.

Music is as good as the ear that hears it.

Why is it that when people ask what kind of music you listen to, they expect you to pick a genre?  I have grown to despise that question and the look I get when I say that I like a little bit of everything...  why does it have to be that way? People issue blanket statements, "I love rap" and "Country music sucks".  But really? Do ya like all rap and does ALL country suck? Come on, man!  Why can't it be about the song?  Each song is different and has a different way of affecting us... different memories and emotions can hit you at the first note.

"Are You Lonesome Tonight" by Elvis Presley reminds me of an era that I feel I was born for.  It brings to mind my best friend and a virtual montage of our friendship... I feel slightly sad and nostalgic, and I like that.

"Young and Hopeless" by Good Charlotte is my rebellion song.  It makes me feel... strong. Like the song says, Its me against this world and I don't care. 

"Little Lion Man" by Mumford and Sons is just catchy. Those voices... mmm-mmm!

"Die Die Die" by The Avett Brothers just plain pumps me up! Its one of those songs that you turn way up and sing at the top of your lungs.  It brings back summer days of driving to this park or that trail with my cousin, and afterwards we'd go for a beer at one of her hippie bars.

"Flowers on the Wall", the Eric Heatherly version is an amazing song and re-done so well.  I can be sobbing and turn that song on and be smiling by the end. It picks me up, dusts me off, and tells me that I'm better than fine, even if I am a bit crazy.

"Those Were the Days" by Mary Hopkin reminds me of my childhood. No, I'm not that old :)  When I was a kid, my mom had TimeLife "Hits of the 70's" on tape.  One tape for each year.

Little Life Lessons

1) Claiming that you are brutally honest is not excuse to be a total dick.
2) Avoiding a person is not a good way to indicate that you aren't interested. Its just rude.
3) Sticking your hands down a strangers pants in public is unacceptable.
4) Receiving, but never giving in return, is selfish.
5) If you walk away from someone, stay gone. Coming and going from a person's life is hurtful.
6) When others are talking, don't start formulating your response while they are still taking. If you are doing that, you're no giving them your full attention.
7) Eyes. Look at them when you speak to me and not my boobs.
8) Ladies, just because I talk to your man doesn't mean I want to bang him. Really.
9) If you don't want/can't afford children, don't have them. Birth control is cheaper.